I read somewhere that Catherine Middleton always wears nude shoes because they elongate her legs. That is the only thing I know about Catherine Middleton and it's kind of all I want/feel I need to know about her. I wasn't actively seeking out the information, Googling "Kate Middleton nude shoes why help meh" (that's how I Google) it was foisted upon me in an article that I was half-heartedly thumbing through on the tube. So there, OK? Have I demonstrated my lack of interest in the Royals clearly enough?
But hang on a second. Middlepots wears nude shoes because they elongate her legs? That is actually masterful. The magic is something like this - because they match the colour of your legs (depending of course ON the colour of your legs) there's extra nude extensions on your feet. I've written the word "nude" too much.
I didn't get these mules from Next because I wanted to elongate my legs, although to be honest if companies started advertising their shoes and clothing in terms of the wizardry or optical illusion potentials they offered, I'd probably be a sucker for it. Surely it's not long before we have 3D printed dresses that use holograms to cast the image of a perfectly filtered you onto everyone's eyeballs? I fear for this. I fear for the car crashes and the eye strain constant holograms would cause. Also I think it's the kind of thing people who are scared of technology say, "We'll be chuffing dressed in USB keys and modems soon if we're not careful!?!"
But then yesterday I read about the rise of the nothing shoe which is when your shoe is so non-existent or clear/lucite that your feet are not only nude hued, they're full nude! (Maybe this will lead to the rise of Tobias Funke-esque never nude shoes, which is when you wear shoes but underneath them your feet are dressed in tiny denim cut offs). This feels a bit much, also imagine the feet sweat caused by a lucite shoe. Lucite ew.
Back to these nude mules. I always bang on about comfort when it comes to footwear because I walk everywhere, and I have big feet and they need room to roll. These mules are bloody perfect for my needs, and they're suede, and - you know what? - looking at these photos now I think that Kate *might* be onto something. Or at least I've deluded myself into thinking she is, which is just as important. To me. The dress is also from Next, these types of lace dresses with nude (AGAIN) panels under the lace are so hot right now - blame/thank Self Portrait and this one is definitely my favourite. The bag is from Zara because, yet again, they're pom pom-ing it up.