If I was really honest with myself, I would have to say that my heart has only really been broken once. And it was by this film. I remember watching it in the cinema as a young teenager, who had never spoken to a boy, and had one broken arm wrapped up in a cast (irrelevant). I knew what was coming at the end of the film, but still, for days afterward I moped around the house. I looked wistfully out of the window. I sighed a lot. It all seemed incredibly painful - no one had ever loved me the way Romeo and Juliet loved each other. And how tragic that their love, so pure and innocent, was thwarted because of that one true enemy of all teenagers everywhere: parents.
Of course now I rewatch the film and realise that R+J were kind of dumb. They got married after two conversations with each other. They (spoiler alert) were messing around with deadly drugs and guns. They decided to put relative strangers before their friends and families. But then isn't that what being a teenager is all about? Allowing emotions to completely dictate your decisions? Rebelling even when you know it's almost definitely not going to end well?
So in some ways it's cathartic to look back on this film and scoff. It's like looking at an ex who broke your heart on Facebook and feeling smug that you're over them now. Oh, but then you stumble across a photo that catapults you straight back to 1996 and the way you felt once, and it's suddenly all so real, and just...there.
Sorry, I need to take a moment.
Anyway, which family would you like to be from? Capulet?
These guys have perfectly styled hair (in fact all the male looks in this film are perfect). They wear a lot of suits and vests, they favour black and blood red, they drive a blue car, they adorn themselves with religious iconography and steel-capped boots. They're crisp and slick. And this is how they dress at a costume party.
"No way guys, it's MY turn to wear the sequin devil horns, Nigel had them last time".
Juliet is of course a Capulet. But unlike her cousins she's soft and angelic. She mainly wears white, and uses little makeup.
Also I can't ever remove Angela Chase from my thoughts when I'm watching young Claire Danes. I also feel like getting married to someone she has just met is totally what Angela Chase would dream of doing, only she would have worn plaid for the Big Day. Oh and the other difference is we know that unlike Jordan Catalano, Romeo can read, or at least write.
However one of my favourite Juliet outfits is the one she wears when she's SERIOUSLY EMOTIONAL. It's so cute, with the beret and big white collar, and those gloves are perfect for holding that gun.
Look at Paul Rudd! Another reason this film hasn't stood the test of time for me is that over the years Rudd has proven himself time and time again to be an exceptional human, and the idea that marrying him would be so awful you'd hold a gun to your head seems very unbelievable in 2014.
He's also hilarious in this film, and his hair is gorgeous and full of body and shine.
I laughed so hard when he did his ridiculous "I take myself very seriously" dance, and even harder when he was genuinely thrilled by the glitter falling from the ceiling. What a dreamboat. Delightful!
By the way guys, Juliet also has some very beautiful pink jacquard pyjamas which she wears when she's pretending to be dead.
Another Capulet with amazing style is Juliet's mother. Particularly when she's getting ready to be Cleopatra at the party. She's so sassy and bold and covered in sequins and marabou feathers.
Personally though, I think I prefer the style of the Montagues more. They're looser and more fun than the Capulets. And I love a good Hawaiian shirt, especially when matched with pale pink hair and a black eye.
At the start Romeo doesn't seem that keen on wearing the Tommy Bahama stylings of his crew, in fact he leans slightly more toward the Capulets in his dark suits and large-lapelled shirts.
And I love a man who enjoys dressing up for a costume party. He's a joiner!
[One minute of silence for the aquarium scene]
Later though, as his alliances get tested more and more by violence and murder, he shrugs on that patterned short sleeved fabric armour, and wears it proudly with his wounds. (Also, shout out to Mercutio for his gauzy see-through shirt).
Romeo's hair is exemplary. Whether it's perfectly combed at his wedding, slicked back by water, or poofy from running around a lot, it's always blonde-highlighted-perfection.
Also, this costume of Mercutio's is totally on point.
I'm going to end the post with two things I spotted that were references to Shakespeare (whose birthday it was today): the reworked Coke logo has a 'wherefore', and the pool hall where Romeo hangs out is called Globe Theatre.
Nice touch Baz! Now please recut the ending so that R+J live.